Very recently, our family suffered the loss of my father, Gordon Michael. He was a wonderful man. Over the last year and half he suffered from renal disease and in January last year he began dialysis. After only a few months he was diagnosed with testicular cancer and it had spread very quickly. He became even more tired and weak. It had gotten to the point where he could no longer walk or get out of bed. In December we had our last Christmas with Dad it will be a time I will never forget. We were all able to be with him when he passed away. Again, something I will never forget.
I find myself wondering why so often. He was only 53. Why, when he was just starting to finally get his life together, it was taken away just as quick. Terminal illness can be so debilitating, but Dad fought hard! I never heard him complain. If there was one thing I could teach my kids about their grandfather it would be how much he fought for them.
I am truly comforted by the fact that he is in the arms of Jesus! Peter and I, without God, would never have been able to survive this last year. It was a huge strain on our relationship and my relationship with my children. But if I had to do it over again, I'd do it the same.
This time brought me closer to God and closer to my father. It also brought Dad closer to God. Things happen for a reason, I don't  believe in coincidences but it's like dad used to say "you are where you are because it's where you're meant to be!" I believe  that!
God has a plan for us all, we just need to listen and open our hearts :)

I have struggled a lot over this last little while. I am to be an example to my children and I really feel like I have failed. I have not been who I am! I don't like who I am around certain people. I have become a person of my surroundings. I wake up in the mornings having an a agenda for my day and it never goes as plans....I either let myself down or something happens that is out of my control. I am responsible for what comes out of my mouth, what my actions are and right now, I need to stand back and assess where I need to be.
I have also struggled with how others can make me feel. I feel so inadequate around certain people. They give off a vibe of being better than the person next to them. It's almost like feeling like a child being reprimanded for something. Like my presence alone is offensive to them.
I have decided that I CANNOT allow these people to bring me down anymore and I must put on my big girl panties and move on!
I MUST be an example for my children if we are going to teach them how much Jesus loves them and how much Jesus wants to have a relationship with them. We are their first impression of who Jesus is :)